My Idiot Dog

A Salute to Living with Fizzgig

My dog is an idiot. That’s not a judgement, that’s his breed. His papers say he a Yorkshire Terrier. A Yorkie.

Lies.

He’s a jerk. His name is Fizzgig. That’s a furry little monster with a lot of teeth from The Dark Crystal. Fizzy was born with too many teeth. The word Fizzgig also means something very loud and not threatening at all, like a firecracker. Or a really stupid dog.

One ear points straight up, the other kowtows to the side, as if standing in a great wind. He has fangs he can’t close his mouth around, so he looks like he’s trying to be a tough guy with a toothpick in his mouth. When he was a pup, he had to have a bunch of excess teeth removed, but his bottom teeth still look like a crowd of nemotodes outside the Krusty Krab. I’m not sure he can actually close his mouth. He apparently got his eyes from Marty Feldman. His only expression is “what the hell am I doing here”. I swear, they said he was a purebred.

Yes, Fizzy was hit by a car once, but he looked this way before that. If anything, the jaunty limp it gave him was an improvement to distract from his actual appearance.